Guys who cold approach on a regular basis usually get good at pickup. Approaching to pickup is what practice is to any sport. You practice for a sport so when it’s game time you’re prepared to give your best. You do approaches in pickup so when you meet that beautiful girl you are really attracted to, you don’t fumble the ball. Don’t expect much from those cold approaches as they are nothing but reps (as in repetitions). Each rep hardly produces any noticeable results. It’s the cumulative effect of doing them consistently over months and years that molds you into a confident man you want to be. I remember when kissing a girl on a first date was unthinkable to me. Today having sex with a girl I’ve just met is normal. It took me a lot of approaches to get from point A to point B.
Approaching is crucial to getting better with women. However, if you are approaching regularly but not getting results you’re either not learning from your approaches or unwilling to change based on what you learn. I see guys that get over their approach anxiety and go out regularly and they just keep doing the same thing over and over without any progress. They don’t learn, they don’t change, they don’t grow. They think that approaching alone is enough to get better with women.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing year after year and expecting different results.
There is this guy I’ve met a few years back at a local pickup lair meetup. He was in his mid twenties, fat, below average looking, bad teeth, no style, terrible body language, was not employed. He told me he’s been going out consistently for about two years. And he said he made out with six girls over that period of time. Now this guy is very persistent. He was going out on a weekly basis for two years. That’s impressive. But his results were dismal, almost nonexistent. Why?
Over the next few years I would occasionally meet him out in the city becaus he is still going out regularly. And guess what? He is still fat, terribly dressed, bad teeth, socially awkward, barely employed. Do you think he is getting laid? I know he doesn’t. Over just the last couple of years I added about 15 pounds of muscle, went to school, got an awesome raise, improved my style to where I often get compliments on the way I dress, started riding a motorcycle, started using Modafinil for better productivity just to name a few. Did my game improve over that time? You bet it did.
You can’t just blindly keep approaching and expect to automatically get better. You will get better to some extent. I mean even the guy I mentioned kissed a few girls. But how good would that guy be today if in the span of those years of consistent approaching he also lost weight/got in shape, fixed his teeth, made more money, learned how to dress well, improved his body language etc? He would be really good today. Instead he remained the same and therefore is getting the same lousy results with women.
Every time you go out and approach a girl you’re not just getting rejected or accepted, you’re getting feedback. Feedback is information. You need to learn from that feedback. If you keep approaching and keep getting the same negative reaction from girls you need to find out what the problem is. Sometimes it’s obvious. Say if you’re seriously overweight I bet that’s a major obstacle in meeting women. Sometimes it’s more subtle, you may be looking away too much during conversation and not even know it. Here is two ways of getting good feedback you can work with:
1. Ask your wing to observe or film you. Watching yourself on film is eye opening to a lot of people, I recommend it. I’m 6’3’’ and I would always bow down to the girl I was talking to. Seeing it on the video helped me realize how ridiculous and weak it made me look. I don’t do that anymore, if she wants to talk to me she has to look up. Any feedback is better than no feedback but the best advice would come from someone who is better than you. In this regard local pickup lairs are useful. You can go to a meetup and ask the guys who run it to observe you in field and give you feedback. Listen to them. That’s the best advice you can get for free. A lot of guys in pickup can’t handle FREE advice. They only listen when you charge them a lot of money for it. They are the same guys who buy boot-camps and similar crap.
2. You can also genuinely ask girls you’re approaching their opinion about you. Not all of them will be willing to share but most will because people in general and women in particular love to judge. And you present them with that opportunity. And you need to ask girls to be brutally honest with you because often people are too nice to tell you the truth (drunk chicks have no problem being honest). Keep in mind that you don’t need to go crazy about everything they’re going to tell you. First, it’s very subjective, different strokes for different folks. Second, those reactions are very context dependent. The same girl that didn’t like you in a bar may be all over you had she met you through her job. Only act on things that consistently keep coming up. If multiple girls keep saying you creep them out you may want to listen. If multiple girls keep saying you’re too nice then you need to do something about it.
Recently this girl told me I was too cocky, too confident, like I’m used to attention from women. She didn’t realize she was complimenting me. It’s just that some girls are not into cocky guys and that’s fine with me. I’m not going to become less cocky because I’m perfectly satisfied with the results I’m getting. But here is another piece of feedback I received recently. A few girls told me that when I’m with them, talking to them or spending time with them in public, I keep looking at other women around me. That’s something I wasn’t even aware of, something I needed to fix.
In conclusion, if you’re approaching regularly you’re already better off than most guys. However, do not forget to learn from your approaches and implement changes in your game and in your life based on that information. The hardest part is to act on what you learn but who said it was going to be easy!