Most guys would like to get better with women. How many will get better with women? Very few. Why? The majority of guys are quitters. They quit for various reasons but the biggest of them all is that they fail to stick with what they start.
Do most men want to be in great physical shape? Yes. How many are in great shape? Not many. Getting better with women as getting in better shape is a long-term goal. Long-term as in it takes years to reach it. People of today’s culture of instant gratification are not very good at reaching long-term goals.
The best way to stick with something long-term is to make it a habit. If you want to get in shape you need to make exercise a habit. If you want to get better with women you need to make going out and approaching women a habit.
Luckily I have developed a habit of regular exercise when I was young. It carried over into my adult life. Today I never have to force myself to exercise. Exercise to me is a habit like brushing my teeth.
I wasn’t so lucky when it came to women. I made a decision to get better with women and I stuck with it for years to come. How did I do that? I developed a habit of going out and meeting women. It’s only really difficult in the beginning. You need all the self-control and discipline you can muster for that initial stage. Once the habit kicks in you can relax and coast. When activity turns into a habit you need very little discipline and willpower to carry on with it. Most people quit before the habit has a chance to form. They fail to stick with an activity long enough to see any results. Once you start seeing results it’s going to be much easier to keep going.
A 2009 study named “How habits are formed” at University College London investigated the process of habit formation in everyday life. It established that on average it takes 66 days for a desired activity to become automatic. The time it took participants of this study to reach 95% automaticity ranged from 18 to 254 days “indicating considerable variation in how long it takes people to reach their limit of automaticity”. Forget about the common self-help industry mantra that it takes 21 days to form a habit. This is a scientific study, you can read the whole paper here if you’re so inclined.
Do you think you have the balls to go out and approach women for 66 days straight?
If you can’t do it 66 days in a row can you do it 3 days a week for 6+ months? That’s how I did it.
Going out used to be a chore for me. Before pickup I rarely went out to bars or clubs. I was stressing out and get very anxious about going out and meeting women. It was very uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do with mysefl at a bar, how to order drinks, how to behave. It was all new to me. Today at many places I know bouncers and bartenders and feel as comfortable out as I’m at home.
I used to come up with a million excuses to stay home:
- It’s too cold or too hot outside
- I have nothing decent to wear
- I have a zit on my face
- I feel sick
- I’m too tired
- I need a break
- It’s useless
- I’m not getting any better
- I don’t want to go out alone (when wing bails)
- Parking is terrible
- It’s too expensive
- I don’t want to wait in line
- I went out yesterday so I’ll take it easy today
- I had a long day
- Normal people don’t go out every week
- I want to watch this new TV show
- I have a date tomorrow so why go out tonight
the list goes on and on and on.
Today I get up, take a shower, get dressed and get out of the house. It’s a habit. I don’t have any anxiety over it. I don’t overthink it. I just do it, it’s automatic.
Remember that most people don’t go out that often so they treat it as something special. For you it’s a routine. It can’t be special for you because then every time you need to go out preparation will consume too much of your time thus increasing the likelihood of you quitting.
Truth is some days you’re going to feel great about going out and some days you’re going to hate it.
It’s just like going to the gym. Some days you can’t wait to get there and some days you come up with every excuse in the book to stay on the couch. But once you make it a habit it’s going to take very little effort to get off your butt. You may love or hate brushing your teeth in the morning but you do it anyway because it’s a habit.
Sometimes I know that the city is going to be dead no matter where I decide to go. It may have rained nonstop all week or whatever. I go out anyway even if just to show up at a bar, get a beer and head back home. Because it’s the habit that matters not the outcome of every night. And you know what, some of the best nights I had happened when I forced myself out of the house. You often will be rewarded simply for showing up!
Similar principle applies to workouts. Sometimes I just don’t feel like working out. So I tell myself I’m going to come out and just do something very light, like pull-ups and dips and maybe some box jumps. While doing those I get into the right mood and then often proceed to have a productive workout. Yes, there are days when nothing works and I just do something light and wrap. But those days are rare. Often it’s not the body but the mind that’s an obstacle. When you establish a habit you are taking a lot of the mind component out of the equation.
Once the habit sets in you can skip a week here or there it’s not going to hurt you just like skipping brushing your teeth once in a while is not going to interrupt the habit of brushing.
So here is an action you can take right now. Print out this free 66-day challenge calendar, pin it to the wall and start checking off those days one by one.