If you’re a novice to the game you’re probably familiar with the term “approach anxiety”. No matter who you subscribe to in the pickup community approach anxiety is going to come up. You can find various routines and step-by-step instructions on how to overcome it. They would normally recommend starting out slow by saying “hi” to random strangers and gradually progress to actual approaches. I don’t care for approach anxiety. I think the whole thing is made out to be bigger than it really is. I believe this term was invented to sell you books on how to overcome it.
First we need to differentiate between two iterations of anxiety. There’s normal anxiety that most people experience to some degree on a daily basis. It is perfectly healthy to feel anxious about your exams, an upcoming date, a job interview or whatever else it may be that warrants that feeling. All normal healthy people experience that.
There is also clinical anxiety, a real mental disorder which requires treatment. When you hear terms “social anxiety” or “social phobia” those are actual mental disorders disruptive to the person’s everyday activities. Disruptive to the point they are unable to live a normal productive life. An example would be someone who is worried so much about social interactions that they avoid interacting with people altogether.
It is my understanding that when people talk about “approach anxiety” they are usually referring to normal type of anxiety. Let’s see why I think approach anxiety is not a real thing.
1. If by approach anxiety you mean you’re feeling anxious while approaching women than you don’t have a problem because everyone is anxious when they approach. No matter how good you are, no matter how long you’ve been approaching you’re going to feel somewhat nervous and anxious. It is a natural thing to be anxious approaching new people. If you’re human it’s normal to feel anxious and nervous meeting new people and talking to strangers. It’s supposed to be that way.
It would actually be unnatural if you haven’t felt anxious approaching. Show me someone who says he doesn’t feel anything while approaching and I’ll show you a psychopath. Most average people have some degree of social anxiety. Difference is those who approach regularly don’t let anxiety stand in their way. They don’t let anxiety stop them from approaching. They’ve learned to control it. Remember, if it was easy everyone would be doing it.
2. If by approach anxiety you mean you can’t approach at all then you don’t have anxiety you have a fear of approaching. When you’re afraid of heights they don’t call it height anxiety they call it a fear of heights. Fear is also a perfectly healthy feeling when it’s cause is justified.
What do they call men who are so scared of something they can’t do it? They call them pussies. Because they let fear control them, they let fear dictate their behaviour. You know that talking to a girl is not going to kill you, you are consciously aware of that fact and you still can’t do it?
Don’t blame it on approach anxiety you’re just a scared little bitch. Problem is it’s difficult to sell you shit after I call you a pussy. So they call it “approach anxiety” to make you feel better about yourself and to sell you books.
Now it is very possible that you do have a social phobia (social anxiety) which is a legitimate mental disorder. In that case get professional help. There are treatments for it. You don’t want to be joking around with it.
Most average guys however do not have social phobia. Approach anxiety to them is nothing but an excuse. Simple as that. Approach anxiety is not a legitimate medical condition as the term might suggest but a symptom of the lack of balls in a male individual.
If you’re too scared to approach a woman I’m sorry to break it to you but this game may not be the right fit for you. Concentrate on excelling at something else and attract women that way.
There is only one way for a man to conquer his fear – face it head on.
And that is precisely how you grow a pair of balls. You grow it by facing your fears head on. You can’t pussyfoot around your fear – you have to confront it. If you’re afraid of public speaking – get on that stage. If you’re afraid to ask a girl out – go and ask her out. If you’re afraid of making a fool of yourself in public go and do it on purpose. If you fail get back up and do it again until you’re no longer afraid.
I remember in college I used to be very self-conscious about my body. Don’t get me wrong I had a great body yet I was very uncomfortable showing it. For instance, I would never wear shorts and would avoid going to the beach or a pool. So to get over that uncomfortable feeling I signed up as a nude model for the drawing class at my school. I had to pose naked in front of groups of 20 – 50 college kids for several hours at a time while they were drawing me. The first time I went it was terrifying I almost left right before the class was about to start. I overcame that urge and stayed. After doing that a few times I had no more body image issues. I couldn’t care less about getting naked in front of total strangers.
Sometimes you can’t do it on your own and you need to use help. As a kid I was playing with a group of friends and we were going to jump into this huge pile of fine sand off a really tall concrete fence. Once I got on top of that fence my body just refused to follow my brain’s command to jump. I would just stand there on the edge afraid and unable to move. Everyone else was jumping off around me so I clearly saw that it was possible and not dangerous. My solution was to ask one of the kids to push me off. Next thing I know I’m going down into the sand pile. After that I was fine doing it on my own.
So there are situations when you might want to recruit your friends to your aid but you can’t back down. There was no way I was going to just leave without having jumped off that fence. That’s how I learned to overcome my fears. By confronting them not running away from them.
The reason I brought up those two stories is because we all have instances of successfully overcoming our fears. Remember as many of them from your past as you can and think of them when you’re facing a new fear, like the fear of approaching. Just thinking about your past successes gives you power to break through the present fears, whatever they may be. It’s a very powerful tool, use it to your advantage.
To conclude, stop whining about your approach anxiety, man up and start approaching!
I support using crotches to overcome or reduce a strong case of anxiety. Of course those are not literal crutches.
Alcohol is the number one product in the crutch category. Men used alcohol to approach women since the beginning of time. You should too, in moderation. Remember you’re going to use it as a crutch, meaning that it’s only a temporary assistance. Once you overcome excessive anxiety you should be able to approach without drinking. Downside of using alcohol is that it’s not easy to use during the day.
It’s works really well but tolerance builds fast so in my experience you can get maybe two weeks to a month of that awesome initial state that will make approaching super easy. That should be plenty enough. I used to be able to purchase Phenibut on Amazon but they recently stopped carrying it. You can still purchase Phenibut from LiftMode here (I have no affiliation with them) Although LiftMode is the brand of Phenibut I purchased from Amazon.com I’ve never ordered anything directly from that company’s website. So I can only vouch for the quality of the product. As for the dosage follow instructions that come with it. I learned about Phenibut from this website http://www.gll-getalife.com/entry/phenibut-review. It has an awesome review of it and also a link to another supplier that you can purchase it from. It is a reliable supplier as I’ve ordered other products from them before.
MODAFINIL (known as Provigil in the US).
Although Modafinil is more of a stimulant it also has mood boosting properties. It makes you feel good and willing to approach. Try it at your own risk. I’m not a doctor. It is a wakefulness promoting drug and lasts a long time so take it well before bed time or you’ll have hard time falling asleep. You need a prescription to buy it in the US but you can purchase it online without one. The last reliable source I used was this website https://www.modup.net/ (again no affiliation, just a recommendation). They ship fairly fast and their prices were competitive last time I checked. I’m going to write a separate review of Modafinil soon as I’ve used it regularly for over a year now.