I’ve had this happen recently. I’m talking to a girl in a bar and there is plenty of attraction but suddenly she goes cold and tells me to go talk to someone else because she is not interested. Since I’m used to these kinds of shenanigans I just turn around and start talking to the closest hot chick I see. And it goes well for all of thirty seconds when someone just grabs my arm from behind and pulls me away from her. It took me so much by surprise that I was ready to punch whoever did that. Guess what, it was the same girl that said she was not interested just a minute earlier. Apparently she was testing me, she wanted to see how I was going to react in this situation.
Sometimes it’s not easy to tell girl’s intentions even if you have plenty of experience. This made me think about how does a guy know when the girl is really not interested. How long does it take to figure out if there is any potential in a given set.
Frankly, how interested a woman is should be fairly transparent to a man of any level of social intelligence. However, it’s not always obvious and guys often get confused about it. And it’s not a trivial question to ask. Reason is the sooner you can tell if a girl is not interested the less time and effort you’re going to waste and the sooner you’re going to move to the next target.
It is true that some women will find an excuse to end your interaction if they are not interested. Thing is very often they are just too polite to unambiguously let you know where they stand. I see many a guy misinterpret politeness as an indicator of interest when in fact it’s anything but.
As a result you stay in set thinking it’s going somewhere when in reality you’re just wasting your time. You’re wasting her time as well. Here are some thoughts on how and why women demonstrate their disinterest in you.
When you talk to a girl and you’re doing most of the talking she is not interested. Conversational input should be roughly equal or 70/30 in the beginning and gradually get to 50/50. Ideally she is doing most of the talking. If she is not asking questions about you, if she is not trying to joke, if she is not introducing you to her friends, if she keeps looking in her phone, if she keeps looking away from you/looking around – she is not interested!
If she says she has to go to the bathroom she is not interested.
If she says she has to go find her friends she is not interested.
If she says she’ll take your phone number instead of giving you hers she is not interested.
Basically if she comes up with any excuse to end your interaction she is not interested.
Now naturally there are exceptions and sometimes a girl legitimately wants to go to the bathroom. In this case do not be looking for her if she liked you she will find you when she is ready. But majority of the time it will be an excuse to stop talking to you. Do not get upset over that, she simply wasn’t interested in what you had to offer.
All of the excuses they come up with to end interaction are nothing but socially accepted ways of reducing tension. There is always tension when someone likes you and you don’t reciprocate. It works both ways. No girl wants to be perceived as “bitchy” so she will rarely be straightforward and tell you “I am not interested”. Hence the excuses.
A girl hasn’t responded to your text/call/message. If you texted a girl and she hasn’t responded do not text her again. Do not ever call or text more than once. Ever.
Yes she did get your text. She saw it, she read it and she ignored it. People are glued to their phones today. Chances that your text somehow never reached her phone are improbably, negligibly low. And if it really somehow got lost in the ether nothing prevents her from texting you.
If you’re getting a lot of non responses/flakes from the phone numbers it’s not because your text game sucks as people selling text game ebooks want you to believe. It’s because those phone numbers were useless to begin with. Girls that gave them to you were not interested, they were polite.
I know how some people keep numbers in their phone to mass text girls once every couple of weeks. I’m not a big fan of that. I say you get no response? Delete that number. It’s useless. Why I think that? Because if you text again she either will see that you’ve already texted and she ignored and now you text her again = needy.
Who likes needy? Nobody. Or if she deleted your previous convo than it turns into “who is texting me” game. And it’s just too much work for very little pay converting that into an actual meeting. You’re better off getting a new number.
Also if she takes forever to respond to your message of any sort and say responds the next day, 99 percent of the time she is just being polite and you need to take a hint. No girl that’s genuinely interested in a guy would wait that long to respond. Sometimes they even come up with a very realistic excuse but then take forever with the next response. Get a hint – she is not interested.
When you ask a girl out and she declines for any reason she is not interested! UNLESS she offers an alternative. If she doesn’t offer to meet another day/time she is not interested.
I used to waste my time trying to convert girls who were not reacting positively to me by staying in sets as long as I could. Now it’s a good exercise in the beginning when you’re just getting a feel for it. What do I mean by that? In the beginning when you don’t have enough experience to tell reliably whether a girl likes you may be tempted to get out of sets prematurely.
For example, you may leave the set just because you run out of things to say. But once you’ve gained enough experience you will be able to tell if there is any interest fairly quickly. If I don’t see any signs of interest in the first 1-5 minutes I eject. No need to waste my and her time. No need to get a consolation phone number, just wish her good night and move on to the next set.
Here is another example. I was once trying to take this girl away from her friend to talk one-on-one on the other side of the bar. She would not leave her friend so I left the set despite the fact that I could tell she liked me. But I judge people by their actions. I thought if she doesn’t want to comply with my request she is not interested enough.
When I was waiting for my friends outside about to leave she came out to find me and give me her number. She said she was sorry that her friend didn’t want to be left alone and they later met with some people they knew so she could come out and find me. I have misread the situation. It’s not a big deal because if she likes you she will find a way to let you know.
Sure sometimes being persistent pays off but usually this type of persistence is motivated by your ego. Your ego wants that girl to like you so you feel like you need to game harder if she is not showing any signs of liking you. Yet there is a fine line between being persistent and being a pest. You don’t want to be a pest so tread carefully.
Just because a girl is talking to you doesn’t mean she is interested. Some guys are too friendly and nice, so much so that girls don’t want to hurt their feelings by leaving or otherwise telegraphing disinterest. At the end of the night both of them wasted their time. He could’ve met someone else. She may have missed out on meeting someone else too. So once you gain experience it only makes sense to pick your battles.
Also some women will waste your time on purpose for a number of reasons. They want to keep you talking to them so that maybe you’ll buy them drinks. They want to keep you around because they don’t see better men they would like to be approached by. Or they will keep talking to you because it’s better than just standing there on their own while other girls are being approached. They basically going to use you as a filler until something better comes along or until they are ready to go elsewhere. Be mindful of that.
To conclude, the only way to learn to tell when women are not interested is trial and error. You need to approach, approach, approach. And then approach some more.