Do you need a wingman to approach women? You don’t but having a good wingman always beats going out on your own. Can you do without a wingman? Sure you can. There are guys going out solo and they are doing just fine. So if you don’t have a wing it’s not an excuse to sit on your ass and do nothing.
A wingman is your sidekick, your second fiddle, your right hand, your personal cheerleader, your hype man, he is your Robin, your Sancho Panza when it comes to approaching women. The only difference being you’re the same for him. Your roles switch depending on who needs assistance at any given moment.
You are going to be more consistent and more productive with a good wingman, especially in the beginning. But the emphasis is on good wingman, not just any wingman. Ideally your wingman is your friend, someone you hang out with and have common interests with. How close acquainted you and your wing are will be fairly transparent to girls you’re talking to. Girls are much better than guys at reading non-verbal cues.
Do not go out with just anyone simply because you are scared to do it on your own. Some wings are so bad they will be a hindrance to your game and your progress. Some guys just don’t have the wherewithal of a wingman. Really being a good wing is commonsense knowledge that every normal average guy should intuitively possess. For instance, it is common sense to not go into a group opened by your wing and act like you own it and hit on the girl your wing is interested in. It’s rude, it’s wrong and it makes you unfit for wing duty. Rule is whoever opens the group gets a pick.
Having a wing or two with you makes you a group and it’s easier to go out in a group. Since most people go out in groups you are going to look odd all by yourself in a public venue, especially so when you’re just starting out and are not comfortable in the bar/club scene. One way to get around that is to pretend like your friends are somewhere around if the girl asks. You can also talk to a random group of people, guys or girls, to make it look like you’re with them. But the best way is to have your own group.
Remember that in the eyes of the public your wingman is nothing but your friend and people will judge you based on your company. So choose your wingman carefully because they will either make you look better or they will make you look worse than you really are.
A good wingman:
1. Motivates you to go out when you don’t feel like it. There are going to be nights when you just want to stay home and watch TV because you’re tired and not in the mood to go out. Your wing is there to remind you that those are nothing but excuses. It’s like having a workout partner telling you to get off your butt when you don’t feel like going to the gym.
2. Motivates you to approach. Sometimes there are nights when you are out at the venue and you freeze and feel out of place and don’t feel like talking to anyone. Often just seeing your wing approach motivates you to start approaching too.
3. Spurs friendly competition. You can compete for who does more approaches, gets more numbers or anything else that makes your night more fun. My favorite game to play with my wings, especially when feeling out of it, is this: you have to go and talk to any girl your wing points out, no excuses. That usually gets me going right away.
4. Helps you in sets. This is basically the main idea behind having a wingman. Very important because most girls go out in groups. When girls go out in groups they like sticking together at all times for whatever idiotic reason. You need a wingman to occupy her friend(s) or chances are they will distract her from you. A good wing will sacrifice his night for you keeping your girl’s fat friend busy. You are expected to return the favor. You can also approach groups on your own but it takes a lot more effort and energy to be effective. You need to remember that as a wing you’re playing second fiddle to the person who opened it. You’re there to assist not pursue your own objectives. You can’t just join the group and start gaming one of the chicks and forget about helping your wing which is your number one priority.
5. Provides feedback on your game, especially things like posture and body language that are best observed from the outside. There are a ton of things you may be doing or not doing when talking to girls that you’re not even aware of that maybe hurting you. You may tend to look away too often, you may be smiling too much or not enough, you may be slouching etc. Your wing is there to observe and give you constructive feedback.
6. Is not going to abandon you for the first girl that smiles at him. That’s not how friends treat each other. You’re going to see that happen very often. You go out with a guy and he starts talking to this one girl and you never hear from him again that night. If you can’t find a minute to find your wing and let him know what’s up for the fear of loosing girls’ attention you’re already doing it wrong. If the girl you’re talking to escapes the moment you turn away for a second you never had a chance with her to begin with.
7. Help if you get in trouble when some guy starts giving you shit about hitting on his girlfriend. Your wing can help dissolve the problem sometimes by simply dragging you away from the situation. He can also have your back in case it gets ugly.
8. Is fun to go out with. There are guys who do pickup as a chore. They are not enjoying the process, all they care about is hitting on girls. You need to enjoy each others company. If you’re just standing next to each other staring at people around you, scoping out girls you’re doing it wrong.
Characters to avoid:
- Cheapskates. You buy a round of drinks he never reciprocates.
- Unreliable. Often cancels/late for random reasons.
- Ill-mannered. Always rude to the staff or people in general.
- Heavy drinkers. It’s not going to be very productive.
- Complainers. People who are too negative. You always here them say things like “this venue sucks”, “girls here are mean”, “tonight is dead everywhere” etc.
- People who have no idea when to shut up.
How to find the right wing?
I’ve met most of my wings by posting on pickup forums. Local lairs might work as well but I wouldn’t hold my breath. By the way it helps if your wing is familiar with “pickup” but it’s not mandatory. If he is socially adept you will do just fine.
You need to go out with him to see what level he is on. You need to be somewhat on the same level to be effective together. You don’t want to go out with someone who is barely able to speak to a girl. Also you need to see if they are the kind of person that you want to be hanging out with, if you’re in some way compatible. That’s very important because you’re going to be spending a lot of time together and if you have nothing to talk about you’ll get bored and it will be obvious to everyone around you. People are attracted to fun, especially out at a bar. If you and your wing are having fun people around you will notice and will be much more open to meeting you.
Trust me it will take time to find a good wingman. You will go out with guys who will be shamelessly hitting on girls you just opened in front of them, who will be cockblocking you, who will say the most weird and outrageous shit that will blow you out of very good interactions etc. You will just notice that when you go out with some guys you’re always meeting women and with other guys it just always sucks. I had a “wing” who had an incredible ability to blow me out of sets he wasn’t even anywhere near. I would be talking to a girl having a good time and then her friend would come over and pull her away from me never to be seen again. Turns out my lousy “wing” was talking to that friend on the other side of the bar said something so creepy that she felt compelled to come over and take away the girl I was talking to. She knew me and my wing came together and by association I was as creepy as him so she didn’t even want her friend talking to me. Take your time, don’t settle for a lousy wing.
I think a group of three is the most efficient. Two is not bad but if your wing is talking to a girl for a while and you have nothing to do your option is to wait for him or go somewhere else by yourself. Four people is a crowd, there is just too many of you at one place. Also it’s not easy to find four guys on the same level that also get along well.
It also helps if you and your wingman have similar objectives in pickup. For instance, a guy who is looking to meet a girlfriend is not going to be a great wing for a guy who is looking for same night lays. Those are two different approaches. One would be interested in getting to know a girl thus his interactions are going to be generally longer whereas the other would be interested in a quick lay and if he is any good he will screen girls heavily which means his interactions are going to be fairly short.
Ideally you want to have a wingman that is a little bit better than you. That way you can learn form him and improve your game.
In the end though you are the only person you will ever need to go out and approach. If your wing is unavailable or you can’t find a solid wing don’t use it as an excuse to stay home.
Grow a pair and go out on your own, like a boss!
Fuck what everyone else does, fuck what everyone else thinks, you are the only person that can change your life!
Stop relying on other people! As you will get better guys will be asking to join you.